Direct-to-DVD New Releases: The Week of Aug. 25

American Son
Cast: Nick Cannon and Melonie Diaz

Green Street Hooligans 2
Cast: Ross McCall

Filed under: New Releases, Actor, Actors, Actress, Actresses, American Son, Direct to DVD, Drama, DVD, Entertainment, Film, Films, Green Street Hooligans, Green Street Hooligans 2, Melonie Diaz, Movie, Movies, Nick Cannon, Ross McCall, Trailer, Trailers, Video

Welcome to The DVD Shelf

So many movies, so little time. No wonder you don’t want to risk wasting your evening, or clogging your Netflix Queue, with thrillers starring pudgy, past-their-prime action heroes and one-joke comedies that failed to make it into movie theaters for one reason or another. Or the made-for-DVD sequel to some Friday the 13th ripoff. How do you know which direct-to-DVD offering is worth watching in the comfort of your living room?

Worry no more.

The DVD Shelf provides the definitive guide to the obscure films that are denied a theatrical release or are made specifically to be shown on your brand new 65-inch plasma TV. I don’t mind groaning my way through the latest Steven Seagal low-budget opus if it means you don’t. But I’m at my happiest when I discover a minor masterpiece that sadly slipped through the cracks and deserves your attention.

Can you trust my opinion? Of course. I’ve written for Hollywood.com, the Palm Beach Daily News, and Miami New Times.

Now go and update your Netflix Queue with confidence!

Filed under: About The DVD Shelf, Direct to DVD, DVD, Entertainment, Film, Film Review, Film Reviews, Films, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Video

Shred 2: Revenge Of The Boarding School Dropouts (1 out of 4 stars)

Cast: Tom Green, Dave England, Jason Bothe, and Carlo Marks
The Verdict: Tom Green had more to gain from doing the direct-to-DVD Road Trip: Beer Pong than a sequel to his frozen-in-the-1980s snowboarding sexcapade Shred. Regardless of why Green’s not in Beer Pong, there’s no denying that the ex-MTV mad man’s bone cold when it comes to delivering laughs in this series. Maybe Green’s pissed at having to play second fiddle to Jackass’s bland Dave England, but you still expect a little more effort from the prankster who managed to make his battle with testicular cancer a hilariously cathartic experience. In Shred 2, Green’s disgraced corporate executive’s out to exact revenge on snowboarding comeback kids England and Jason Bothe by poaching the best member of their team (Carlo Marks). You don’t have to know an Ollie from a Wheelie to recognize the honey trap Green sets in order to sign Marks. It all goes down against an endless parade of so-so snowboarding stunts, beer-fueled late-night hot tub parties, and clashes between England, his suddenly super-sized ego, and everyone else standing in his way to achieving greater success. It ends as you suspect it will end, but with even less amusing moments than were found in Shred. And you thought Green had hit a career low by failing to pull his weight on The Apprentice.
DVD Features: None.

Click here to read my Hollywood.com review of Shred.

Filed under: Direct to DVD, Reviews, Sequels, Actor, Actors, Actress, Actresses, Dave England, Direct to DVD, DVD, Entertainment, Film, Film Review, Film Reviews, Films, Jason Bothe, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Revenge Of The Boarding School Dropouts, Tom Green, Video

Nature’s Grave (1 out of 4 stars)

Cast: Jim Caviezel and Claudia Karvan
The Verdict: Mess with Mother Nature and Mother Nature’s going to mess with you. Squabbling married couple Peter (Jim Caviezel) and Carla (Claudia Karvan) would know this if they had seen The Day After Tomorrow and The Happening (or even the source material for this Jamie Blanks-directed remake, the 1978 Australian chiller Long Weekend). They’re not thinking or acting green when they set up camp near a secluded beach, and the chaos their constant arguing causes would land them on every environmental group’s hit list. Next thing you know, Peter and Carla find themselves battling the forces of a pissed-off Mother Nature. There are worse ideas for a horror film than nature punishing man for his blatant disregard for the environment. But if M. Night Shyamalan couldn’t scare us with the endless swaying of trees and rustling of leaves in The Happening, then what chance does Blanks (Urban Legend, Valentine)? Zilch. And things don’t just go bump in the night, but crawl up the beach in laughable fashion. Blank desperately tries to invest us in the fate of his detestable couple, but to no avail. What with all the constant bickering, you half expect Peter and Carla to kill each other before whatever’s out there does. The biggest mystery surrounding Nature’s Grave isn’t the identity of the unseen foe, but why Caviezel continues to accept terrible roles in insignificant films. With The Passion of the Christ, Caviezel demonstrated he would gladly suffer for his art. But does he have to continue to make us suffer with him?
DVD Features: None.

Filed under: Direct to DVD, Remakes, Reviews, Actor, Actors, Actress, Actresses, Claudia Karvan, Direct to DVD, DVD, Entertainment, Film, Film Review, Film Reviews, Films, Horror, Jamie Blanks, Jim Caviezel, Long Weekend, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Nature's Grave, Video

Road Trip: Beer Pong (2 out of 4 stars)

Cast: Preston Jones, Julianna Guill, and DJ Qualls
The Verdict: More horny University of Ithaca students get their motors running in this belated sequel to the ruckus Road Trip that briefly made Tom Green a film star. Given his own descent into direct-to-DVD oblivion, Green surprisingly doesn’t reprise his scene-stealing role as the fictional university’s tour guide. This dubious honor goes to the only returnee, DJ Qualls, who’s charged with the task of relating to his tour group the story of one student’s relentless pursuit of love, sex and an elusive beer pong title. Andy (Preston Jones) doesn’t know whether he wants to settle down with his hometown girlfriend Katy (Julianna Guill) or sow his wild oats. So along with a few buddies, he hits the road to track down the dream girl he was this close to sleeping with. If Andy can resist her now, then Katy’s the one for him. Or so he thinks. Pretty much what you expect to happen on the road happens on the road. Andy and his pals run afoul of the law, hook up with busload of hot (but seemingly unobtainable) girls, and try to overcome the odds by beating the reigning beer pong champs. Despite all the nudity and free-flowing alcohol, Beer Pong’s a relatively tame cross-country drive. It never gets as wild as you think it will get. But director Steve Rash, a veteran of the DVD sequels to American Pie and Bring It On, does offer a few genuinely funny moments, puts us in the company of four students who aren’t as irritating as you expect them to be, and stages some cool beer pong tricks. It doesn’t add up to the road trip of a lifetime, but it beats being stuck in traffic.
DVD Features: On the Road to Victory: The Making of Road Trip: Beer Pong, The Bodacious Babes of Ta Ta’s; Chastity Bus: Heading for Trouble, Get Your Balls Wet: The Essentials of Beer Pong, and In the Buff: Filming a Mini-Concert featurettes: Deleted Scenes; Bloopers.

Filed under: Made for DVD, Reviews, Sequels, Actor, Actors, Actress, Actresses, Beer Pong, Comedy, Direct to DVD, DJ Qualls, DVD, Entertainment, Film, Film Review, Film Reviews, Films, Julianna Guill, Movie, Movie Review, Movies, Preston Jones, Road Trip: Beer Pong, Video

The Last Word (2 out of 4 stars)

Cast: Wes Bentley, Winona Ryder, and Ray Romano
The Verdict: Planning on slashing your wrists but can’t commit to paper a suicide note that adequately sums up your disappointment with your life? Then Evan Merck (Wes Bentley) is your man. For the going rate, he’ll ghost write a poem that will posthumously win you a Pulitzer. Evan, though, is better at communicating other people’s thoughts than his own. That’s why his love affair with Charlotte (Winona Ryder)—who believes Evan to be her late brother’s college pal, not his client—is dying before our eyes. The emotionally withdrawn Evan’s unable to share his feelings; the flighty Charlotte does enough talking for the two of them. Yes, The Last Word presents us with another mismatched couple that we’re supposed to root for. Unlike (500) Days of Summer’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s lovesick fool, Evan’s hard to get behind. Sure, he’s odd, but he’s also all work and no play. He’s boring to hang with, and even Charlotte can’t draw him out of his shell despite her best efforts. No matter what, a dour Bentley insists on playing Evan as though he’s auditioning for the role of The Least Interesting Man in the World. A typically quirky Ryder gives it her best shot with Bentley, but even she knows she’s fighting for a lost cause. As one of Evan’s clients, Ray Romano enlivens this brooding romance every now and then with his hilariously foul-mouthed thoughts on love and sex. But nothing he can say or do can convince us that Evan deserves to be with Charlotte. The obituary was written for this relationship the moment they crossed paths.
DVD Features: Deleted Scenes; Stills Gallery

Filed under: Direct to DVD, Reviews, Actor, Actors, Actress, Actresses, Direct to DVD, Drama, DVD, Film, Film Review, Film Reviews, Films, Movie, Movie Review, Movies, Ray Romano, Romance, The Last Word, Video, Wes Bentley, Winona Ryder

S. Darko (2 out of 4 stars)

Cast: Daveigh Chase, Briana Evigan, Ed Westwick, James Lafferty, and Elizabeth Berkley
The Verdict: Donnie Darko’s story died with him. Too bad no one told director Chris Fisher and writer Nathan Atkins—maybe then we may have been spared a sequel that adds nothing to Darko’s strange legacy. To be fair, no one other than Donnie Darko director Richard Kelly probably could have concocted a satisfying sequel that would have expanded upon his hallucinatory cult classic’s exploration of teenage alienation, materialism, mental illness, and personal sacrifice. So Fisher and Atkins—who had nothing to do with Donnie Darko—are burdened with the thankless task of trying to have Donnie’s youngest sister, Samantha (Daveigh Chase, now grown up but too listless to hold our attention) follow in his footsteps. Yes, Samantha’s now the one who not only possesses the book The Philosophy of Time Travel but has visions of an impending disaster. Fisher and Atkins move the action away from high school—Samantha’s stuck with a pal (Briana Evigan) in a sleepy town in Utah, which conveniently dispenses with the problem of recasting such Darko family members previously played by Maggie Gyllenhaal, Mary McDonnell, and Holmes Osborne. Despite the change in locale, and an early didn’t-see-that-coming tragedy, S. Darko never frees itself from its predecessor’s shadow. Fisher and Atkins are trapped in the dark world created by Kelly where the line between reality and fantasy is always blurred and you never know what’s going to fall out of the sky and send you to an early grave. And while Fisher and Atkins’ attempt to somewhat distinguish Samantha’ predicament from that of her late brother’s is appreciated, it forces them to tell S. Darko from several perspectives. Accordingly, you never feel that connection to Samantha that you did with Donnie. “Aren’t we forgetting about the miracle of storytelling?” Drew Barrymore’s idealistic teacher asked in Donnie Darko. Fisher and Atkins haven’t—it’s just that by telling almost the same story Kelly told so articulately and ambitiously with Donnie Darko, they couldn’t help but set themselves up for failure.
DVD Features: Commentary with director Chris Fisher, writer Nathan Atkin, and cinematographer Marvin V. Rush; Delete Scenes; and The Making of S. Darko and Utah Too Much featurettes.

Filed under: Made for DVD, Reviews, Sequels, Actor, Actors, Actress, Actresses, Briana Evigan, Daveigh Chase, Direct to DVD, Donnie Darko, Drama, DVD, Ed Westwick, Elizabeth Berkley, Film, Film Review, Film Reviews, Films, James Lafferty, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Richard Kelly, S. Darko, Video

Direct-to-DVD News Releases: The Week of Aug. 18

Bridge to Nowhere
Cast: Ving Rhames, Daniel London, Danny Masterson, Thomas Ian Nicholas, and Bijou Phillips

The Poker House
Cast: Selma Blair

Wedding Bros.
Cast: Dan Fogler, Brendan Sexton III, and Jon Polito

Filed under: New Releases, Actor, Actors, Actress, Actresses, Bijou Phillips, Brendan Sexton III, Bridge to Nowhere, Comedy, Dan Fogler, Daniel London, Danny Masterson, Direct to DVD, Drama, DVD, Film, Films, Jon Polito, Movie, Movies, Selma Blair, The Poker House, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Thriller, Trailer, Trailers, Video, Ving Rhames, Wedding Bros

The Burrowers (3 out of 4 stars)

Cast: William Mapother, Sean Patrick Thomas, Doug Hutchison, Karl Geary, and Clancy Brown
The Verdict: What would happen if director Terrence Malick ever remade Tremors as a morality play set in the Old West? The result would probably be remarkably similar to this smart, masterful monster mash that pits a handful of settlers against centuries-old creatures that hunt them for food. Director J.T. Petty is less interested in staging one bloodbath after another than he is in exploring the fallout of the U.S. government’s harsh treatment of Native Americans during the age of Manifest Destiny. The Burrowers simmers with racial tension—you half expect the settlers and their African American and Native American allies to kill each other first before the burrowers do—making it one of the rare socially conscious chillers in recent years. That’s not to say Petty doesn’t put any effort into turning the screws whenever the settlers come face to face with the burrowers. He refuses to go for cheap scares that would compromise his vision; instead, he slowly allows the suspense to become unbearable. Beautifully photographed, and intelligently told, The Burrowers offers a welcome respite from the countless uninspired horror remakes we have endured in recent years. It’s truly a shame that a genre film of such unbridled ambition was denied an opportunity to terrify us in movie theaters.
DVD Features: Commentary with director J.T. Petty and Karl Geary, and Making a Horror Western and Digging Up The Burrowers: Creating the Monster featurettes.

Filed under: Direct to DVD, Reviews, Actor, Actors, Actress, Actresses, Clancy Brown, Direct to DVD, Doug Hutchison, DVD, Entertainment, Film, Film Review, Film Reviews, Films, Horror, J.T. Petty, Karl Geary, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Sean Patrick Thomas, The Burrowers, Video, Western, William Mapother

The Art of War III: Retribution (1 out of 4 stars)

Cast: Treach, Sung-Hi Lee, and Warren Derosa
The Verdict: Don’t give Wesley Snipes any props for sitting out this unnecessary Art of War threequel. Retribution, which finds Naughty by Nature’s Treach inadequately replacing Snipes as United Nations lethal weapon Neil Shaw, was made before the IRS-hounded Snipes agreed to star in the direct-to-DVD Betrayal. Retribution obviously doesn’t acknowledge the events of Betrayal, though inexplicably Shaw’s back to doing the U.N.’s dirty work after going on the run at the end of The Art of War with no explanation as to why. No matter: Shaw remains an easy target for anyone looking to frame an undercover operative. This time, while trying to stop terrorists from derailing unification talks between North and South Korea, Shaw’s implicated in the murder of a prominent businessman. Yes, he once again must fend for himself after his handlers refuse to help. Yawn. His only allies: his faithful but inexperienced partner (Warren Derosa, so annoying that you hope he takes a bullet to the head) and a mystery woman (softcore porn model Sung-Hi Lee) embroiled in the terrorist plot. The familiarity of Retribution—a misleading subtitle considering Shaw isn’t motivated by revenge—would be tolerable if Treach at least possessed Snipes’ fighting moves. But the rapper’s too slow and creaky to be taken seriously as a tough guy. And there’s a fatal disconnect between the two Shaws. Snipes was his typically stoic self as Shaw, but he always came across as cool and dangerous. Treach, a little more street than Snipes, looks somewhat apprehensive whenever he’s required to beat the crap out of someone. Also, because Treach sounds like every line he utters is read off an autocue, you never believe his Shaw knows what he’s talking about whenever he quotes from The Art of War, Sun Tzu’s timeless treatise on military tactics. Know your enemy? This Shaw wouldn’t know his enemy if he were pointing a gun to his head.
DVD Features: None.

Filed under: Made for DVD, Reviews, Sequels, Actor, Actors, Actress, Actresses, Direct to DVD, DVD, Entertainment, Film, Film Review, Film Reviews, Films, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Naughty by Nature, Sequel, Sequels, Sung Hi Lee, The Art of War III: Retribution, threequel, threequels, Thriller, Treach, Warren Derosa, Wesley Snipes